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Spotting loneliness 

Christmas is a time of year associated with being with family and friends – a time to connect with loved ones. If you don’t have that community around you, it can feel pointless, hollow, and like you’re invisible. Spotting the signs of loneliness and reaching out can make a massive difference to someone struggling alone. 

Loneliness can affect anyone, and unfortunately, it seems to be all too common for elderly people. Life does get busy, and you may not always notice when you’ve missed a call from a grandparent, parent, or friend. But that phone call might be one of the only interactions they’ll have that day.  

If you’re noticing a family member or friend becoming quieter – maybe they’re not calling as much or pulling back from their plans – there could be a chance they’re feeling like a burden, which can contribute more to their loneliness. They may be too afraid to reach out, but desperately want to connect. 

Making a conscious effort to reach out and connect to those that you believe are dealing with isolation is often the best step to bringing them back into your social circle. You may be surprised how much of an impact something as small as a phone call could have. 

Being aware of grief 

Dealing with grief is devastating, and is a long journey. For many people, the feeling is emphasised around traditions that were always done together. With family and friends often being the reason Christmas, Hogmanay and other festivals are so special, losing part of that is terrible. People may find it particularly hard if it’s the first year without them. 

People have different ways of dealing with this grief. Some people like to treat it like any other day, whereas some people like to celebrate it in their memory. Following their lead and being there to support them is incredibly important. 

There are also ways to acknowledge their passing and letting them know you’re thinking of them at such a difficult time. Sending a card with a small but touching message like: “I’ll be thinking of you and the kids and remembering -name- this Christmas” can prevent them from feeling so alone. 

Letting people feel their feelings 

This time of year is not easy for everyone. Although it’s hard to talk about, many people have traumatic memories associated with Christmas, and there can be a lot of pressure to ignore those feelings and perform happiness, not ‘be a Scrooge’. There may also feel pushed to reconnect or spend time with people who have hurt them. Especially for people who’ve experienced trauma at this time of year, grew up in a difficult home, or who have fraught relationships with their families, Christmas can be a minefield of triggers. 

Some people find healing through reclaiming the holidays, making new traditions with the people they trust. But others may find the pressure to keep smiling and celebrating unbearable. Some people may prefer to ignore the holiday altogether, or to celebrate in a way which feels safe and comfortable for them. 

It can be a wonderful kindness to reach out and help people have a merry Christmas – as long as that’s what they want. Healing looks different for everyone. If you know that somebody is dealing with complicated or negative feelings around the holidays, or they express a desire to avoid the festivities or get it over with, listen to that. Compassion means letting people decide what they need – even if it’s not what you would choose. 

If someone you love is struggling with trauma, distress, or overwhelm around the holidays, it might be a kind gesture to reach out and offer them your time in a way that has nothing to do with Christmas. Spend time together as you would any other time of year, and make sure they know that they’re important to you, whether they’re full of the joys of the season or ‘bah humbug’. 

Financial hardships 

The cost of living has continued to rise dramatically since 2021, which has had a huge impact on the average family. Many families have struggled across the country to afford necessities, let alone luxuries. Times like Christmas can be a harsh reminder that they can’t spoil their kids as much as they’d like. 

One thing that is important to remember is to avoid writing ‘From Santa’ on expensive gifts to young children. Less fortunate families may not be able to give their children the same gift. Young children who still believe in Santa may struggle to understand why Santa gave their friend an expensive present but didn’t give them something similar. A common practice nowadays is to say children’s stocking-filler gifts are from Santa. Being open and honest about more expensive gifts is important. 

If you or someone you love is worried about money this Christmas, it can really affect your mental wellbeing. Health in Mind have a guide to managing financial stress here. 

Easy ways to give back to your community 

Giving is one of the 5 Ways to Wellbeing – knowing you’re helping others feels good, and it’s an important part of building up your community. There are some fantastic ways to give back to people struggling through the Christmas period. 

Many shops offer some form of pay-it-forward schemes, or offer the option of buying gifts for families who can’t afford them. It’s a great way of giving back but with a more personalised touch. It can make you feel like you’re making a real difference and having a significant impact on a real life. 

Another thing you can do is help make sure that everyone has the opportunity to have a festive dinner together. Donate to a local foodbank, community pantry or free kitchen, or drop some items in the collection bins when you go to the shops. 

Sponsor a Connection at Health in Mind is dedicated to ending loneliness. For a small sponsorship of £4 you can help end loneliness. Our Peer Connecting service supports people who are experiencing isolation and loneliness. It’s incredibly easy to get involved, simply choose a donation option between £4, £7, or £10 and start supporting through Charities Aid Foundation. The donation allows Health in Mind to match those who are experiencing loneliness with a peer who will support them to explore and connect with their local community. If you have any questions, please reach out to Lynne. 

Other ways to get involved 

You don’t have to spend lots of money this Christmas to support someone in need. There are plenty of ways to show you care and extend support. 

Why not invite someone you think could be lonely round for Christmas dinner? Let them know you’ve bought too much food and you have some spare. Don’t feel like you’re overstepping by inviting someone. A small gesture like this could mean a lot to those that don’t have family around, and they can always say no if they have other plans. Many people dealing with chronic loneliness force themselves into further isolation for fear of bothering those around them. By extending your hospitality, you could make a bigger difference than you can imagine. 

Of course, not everyone is able to buy extra food or has the space to have guests over for dinner.  

You can still help someone feel less alone with a quick phone call or a friendly card to let them know you’re thinking about them this Christmas. It could be a grandparent that you’ve not been able to see in a while, or a neighbour that you’ve moved away from. Not everyone is able to leave their home, so sending a card can be a perfect option. 

Alternatively, if you live nearby to someone who’s dealing with isolation or struggling with money, why not pop around on Christmas Eve and drop off a gift or a homemade dish? It can mean a lot to someone just to know that you’ve been thinking about them – and it might help the holiday feel a bit more festive. 

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Whether it is a charitable gift, a phone call to a friend, or sharing a place at your table, doing a little can help a lot.