Alex’s story

Alex* shares their story about how Health in Mind supported them.

My name is Alex.  I have always struggled with my mental health.  I was assaulted when I was younger and I guess I never really dealt with it, I just continued on.  It did impact me, of course it did. I was a lot more nervous – I couldn’t go out alone any more, and I was always on guard around people.  But no one else seemed to notice and over time I felt kind of like I couldn’t dwell on it – like it was a long time ago, and I needed to move on.  Honestly, I felt embarrassed that it still affected me – I tried so hard to be over it.     

But when I lost my partner a couple of years ago,  everything changed.  They had been so supportive and so thoughtful when it came to my anxiety, and I hadn’t realised how much of my life was tied to theirs.  All the activities I did had been things we did together, and all my social groups were their friends. It used to be that when I went somewhere I knew would make me anxious, they would always help me feel safe. Now whenever I was feeling overwhelmed, I wouldn’t know who to ask for help. Every time I started feeling anxious, I got hit by the loss all over again. 

I stopped going out. I found excuses for why I couldn’t see people, and why they couldn’t come over. I couldn’t even really explain why, so I just started lying, or went silent.   I stopped seeing friends, family, neighbours.  I just about managed to go to work, but I started working from home a lot more – there were whole weeks where I wouldn’t go outside at all, or even leave my bedroom.   

Lucky for me, my best friend noticed.  They asked me how I was and gave me space to talk about it.  They were brilliant, and even though at first I tried to tell them everything was ok, over time they helped me see how bad things had got 

They knew about this great charity, Health in Mind. They’d had support from them in the past, and said it had really helped when they were in a bad place, so they helped me get in touch. 

I was nervous at first, but the person who I spoke to was really understanding.  She booked me in for a conversation, and we spoke about the things that mattered to me.  We talked about what changes I wanted to see in myself – and what things I was missing right now.  

From there, I was recommended on to start one-to-one support.  I was matched with a volunteer, who had been through a similar experience themself.  It felt great to be able to talk to someone who had been through what I had, and who was not only still here but also were in a place where they could do this great thing, helping me and people like me.   

In our sessions, I was able to really talk about how I felt, without feeling like it was shameful or overwhelming to them. They understood me – we could even joke about it. Because they’d been through a lot of the same struggles, they had some really great ideas for how to deal with it. Honestly, that helped me realise that I had some good ideas too. Being overwhelmed by these feelings didn’t mean I’d just rolled over and given up – I started to realise how many strategies I’d already been using to get through it. My peer supporter helped me realise that I had been working so hard for so long against really huge obstacles, and it was ok to not be able to do it all alone. 

I’m still a work in progress.  I still have days where getting out of bed is a real struggle.  The loss I feel is overwhelming and I miss my partner every day.  But I do get out of bed.  I do miss them.  And I can do all of that and still be me.  Every day doesn’t have to be good.  I don’t always have to be a brilliant version of myself. But now, with the support I got from Health in Mind, I know that I can grieve and have days where I fall apart, and then I can come back from that. 

I don’t know what I would have done without Health in Mind.  They’ve helped me to be stronger, to understand what I can do myself, what I can control and what I can’t, what makes me feel stronger and what doesn’t. I feel more able to reach out to the people who love me, to make sense of what I need and to ask for help.  

I’d urge anyone who is struggling to get in touch. Sometimes you need another person to help you see yourself.  

*Some names and details have been changed