Stay connected

If you have friends who live within walking distance, pop around. Check out free spaces like parks and museums, or go to each other’s houses for a cuppa. If you don’t know your neighbours, now’s a great time to get to know them! Knock on the door and say hi. 

Check out your local library and council websites to see what’s in your area – there are all sorts of options, like crafting, book groups, walking groups, and community gardens. If you get involved in one, you’re likely to find out about others.

Online friendships don’t fill the gap of in-person socialising, but joining local Facebook and WhatsApp groups can be a good way to develop friendships, and find out about free events and opportunities. Many areas have generic local groups, but you could also look at swap/freecycle groups or groups devoted to an interest of yours, like local music or arts scenes. 

Turn your anger into action! If you’re struggling with mental health, work, benefits, housing, or anything else, look into what people are doing in your area to help out. It could be a union, a mutual aid network, a food pantry, or a group of like-minded people who want to coordinate on writing to MPs or councillors about an issue.  
If you can’t find a group, try building one! Start a WhatsApp chat and reach out to others with the same interests: you can talk to people about it if you’re discussing the issue, and many libraries, shops and community centres will let you put up posters for free if you want to reach more people. 

Volunteering isn’t just fun – it’s also a great way to give back. You could try peer connecting or befriending work, help out in a shop or garden, or take on some office duties. Whatever role suits you, it’ll be a great way to meet people. 

If you’re already involved in a community group (eg an art group, a church, or a gardening club), but you feel like you’re on the edge of the group, getting involved in organising things can be a great (and free) way to get to know people better. Maybe that means volunteering to make the tea or wash up after a meeting, or helping put things away, or, if you have the energy, you could suggest an event or help lead a session. With charity events like a bring-and-buy sale, a raffle, or a Blue Cake Day, you can get properly involved, do a lot of good, and get to know people better without needing to spend anything but time. 

They may think you’re making excuses not to go out, or that you don’t want to spend time with them. Make sure they know that you still care about them and enjoy their company, it’s just about the activities you’re doing together. 

For example, “When we go out for drinks, I can’t afford to have more than one drink, and then I feel like I’m left out when everyone else is drinking,” or “When you ask me out for dinner, I don’t know how much I’m going to spend, which makes me too anxious to accept,” or “I feel like whenever we hang out, I have to ask you to pay, which makes me feel like I’m a burden to you.” 

You might say something like, ‘Instead of going out for drinks, could we sometimes meet at home?’ or ‘Could we agree in advance that we’ll each pay for our own bill?’ If you feel guilty about them spending money on you, are there ways you could offer your time instead, such as cooking dinner or organising an activity? 

It may be that they have been thinking about the same thing – they may also be feeling the squeeze and not have felt able to bring it up. They may also not want to change their habits. It’s ok to set a hard boundary if they refuse to accept an alternative – you could say something like, ‘I would like to keep spending time with you but I really can’t afford [X], so if we can’t come up with an alternative we might not be able to hang out.’ 

They may push back and say they’re happy to spend money on your behalf, or that they would actively like to help more. This can be hard to hear, especially if you are dealing with shame around your situation, or are worried about the power imbalance money can create. Your feelings are valid – but so are theirs.  
It can be hard to watch a friend struggling, and, even though it can be hard, sometimes accepting help is a gift you can give to someone who loves you. As well, if they want to do a specific activity, and they’re in a position to spend a bit extra to have you with them, it’s ok to say yes. You’re not taking advantage of them – they’re enjoying your company.  

It can be tempting to try and avoid the enormity of the subject, especially if you’re already feeling constantly on the edge of a fight. But by being clear and transparent about your fears, concerns, and expectations, you can hopefully team up to solve the problem instead of being at each other’s throats. 

It can be tempting to hide how you’re feeling, or how strained your finances have become, especially when it comes to talking to family or people you’re caring for. But often, you’ll find your stress is affecting people who love you, and if someone doesn’t know where it’s coming from, it can feel very personal and destabilising. Even if there’s nothing they can do, it can feel better for the people in your life to know you trust them with the truth – and it means you’re not carrying it alone. 

This is a painful time for both of you. You don’t have to be all business – if it’s helpful to confide in them about how this is affecting you, speak up. 

This can be difficult, especially when both of you are in a high-stress place, but if you feel yourself getting angry, take a deep breath, try some grounding exercises, and, if you need to, take a break. Go to a different room, walk around the block, or end the conversation and pop your headphones on for a bit. 

Anxiety around finances can often spiral into, ‘well if you hadn’t bought this, we wouldn’t be here’, or ‘if I was just better at money, everything would be ok.’ Guilt and blame are real feelings, but they can be overwhelming and spiral into resentment and anger. Where you can, try to look forwards and figure out what you can do to change your situation – whether that’s making financial or lifestyle decisions, or figuring out how you can manage the emotional weight of it when it gets too much. 

…and let go of what you’re not. Where there are shared responsibilities, like paying bills or turning off appliances, it can be helpful for one person to be responsible for keeping track of that. Listing out what needs to happen and who is in charge of it can help turn an overwhelming stack of things into large but manageable chunks. It’s just as important to be able to let go of the things you can’t control. You can’t bring prices down, and it’s very likely you can’t massively increase your income. Nor can you control what other people in your household do. You can only control how you respond, how you communicate with other people, and how you look after yourself – so pay attention to that.